In this season of name calling I remember what we said as children, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” I’m no longer sure of that after years of observing the pain of such naming experienced by many of God’s children. It has become obvious that the name we give to someone shapes our attitude toward him or her. Children do resent being called “Piggy”, “Four Eyes” and other demeaning names. But, how much worse to be called “nigger” or “fag” - names of ridicule all your life.
We give life to things and make relationships with them by the act of naming.. This offers identity, direction and character. It is a tradition as old as the Old Testament itself. When Moses asks God, “What is your name?” God says, “I am who I Am.” After Jacob steals his brother’s birthright and wrestles with the angel, God calls him “Israel,” the one who has striven with God. Sarai becomes “Sarah,” the one who laughed at the thought of being able to have a child in old age.
Our son, Robert Ronald, is named for his grandfather and father and his son is Jackson Robert. Daniel Taggart carries forth my grandmother’s family name as does his son, William Taggart. William is his Grandfather Amick’s name. We use family names to remember who we are and what we’re expected to be. It keeps our history alive in us.
Naming is clearly a holy act, an act of creation. It gives identity. But it can also destroy relationships. It’s a powerful device that deserves to be used with caution and sacred trust. Calling someone by name can be a mark of worth. “Hey you” is not naming a relationship of value.
3 comments:
My dad, my son and I are named John Thomas. According to family lore, when my grandmother's water broke at my dad's birthing, the flow was so copious as to suggest baptism, thus the John (the Baptist). The pain was so great that she doubted she would ever have another child, thus Thomas (the Doubter). My son's skewed version of the naming story is that he doubts that he will ever get baptized. Giving names and calling names are two very different practices. Giving names passes on tradition. Calling names passes on a tradition of intolerance.
It's interesting that I have been thinking about how rituals and traditions connect us and, for families, those rituals provide a framework that is healthy and life-giving. The memories that rituals produce are important for children as a means to connect them with something bigger than self.
How articulately Tom has put it that giving names passes a tradition, calling names is a tradition of intolerance. How often we hurt children and others by glibbly calling a name injuring their hearts--how evil it is to do it with malice. Perhaps this will be yet another example of how your blog will raise awareness and help us help ourselves and others to a higher consciousness.
Recently, a dear friend who is gay explained that the most painful moment of his coming out was when his mother called him a "fag". Years have passed, but he still hurts when he thinks of it. He knows she spoke from within her own pain, helplessness and anger, but the fact the word was close enough in her to name her son cuts like a knife.
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